


Put your hand in mine and I’ll carry you to land

by dickgrysvn



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Affection, Brotherly Affection, Caleb Widogast Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, I like lots of references to breathing okay, Light Angst, Panic Attacks, and Caleb GETS a hug, fjord is a marshmallow, gav this is for you, i love these two so much, leave me alone, leave your toxic masculinity at the door, so much feels, so much physical affection, you can pry this friendship from my cold dead hands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:28:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24130591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dickgrysvn/pseuds/dickgrysvn
Summary: Fjord reaches a hand out and clasps Caleb’s thin shoulder, squeezing just enough to get the man’s attention. He crouches down a little, trying to catch the wide blue eyes darting left and right. “Hey. Caleb. Look at me, will ya?” Those wild blue eyes flick towards his own, just for a fraction of a second, but Fjord takes it. “Just breathe with me, yeah? Just breathe, Cay. In and out, okay?”{Caleb has a panic attack; Fjord is there to ground him}
Relationships: Fjord & Caleb Widogast
Comments: 14
Kudos: 130





	Put your hand in mine and I’ll carry you to land

**Author's Note:**

  * For [altschmerzes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/altschmerzes/gifts).



> This is my first ever fic for critical role!! I started watching campaign one months ago, and recently decided to start campaign two as well. Lo and Behold, Caleb Widogast needed to be written about. This started as a six sentence fic prompt to my love gav (altschmerzes), and then I couldn’t let it go. I love these two with my whole heart, so I hope you enjoy this fluff ball.
> 
> (The poem is mine, these two just inspire all sorts of stuff in me)

> Put your hand in mine and I’ll carry you to land  
> Rescue you from drowning, set your feet against the sand  
> Lean on me, my brother, any time you need a hand  
> We are family, you and I, and together we will stand

Fjord is jolted out of his midnight slumber by the sound of someone wheezing. He’s up and out of his bed in less than a second, hand already reaching for the scabbard propped up against the wall next to him. In the darkness his eyes land on the form of someone sitting on the edge of the bed nearest him, and his tired brain slowly supplies him with much-needed information: Caleb. Fjord glances over at the other bed on the room, seeing no sign of Molly awake or otherwise in distress. Slowly, Fjord sets his scabbard back against the wall, before making his way across the room to Caleb. 

As soon as he reaches him, Fjord can tell something is wrong. Caleb is hunched forward over his knees, shoulders shaking as a horrible keening sound rips from his throat. For a moment Fjord thinks he’s choking. He panics, not knowing what to do, but then he notices the way Caleb is almost trembling. Instantly, Fjord knows what this is. He’s seen it briefly before, in some of the few survivors they ever happened to pull from shipwrecks. Some of them would wake in the night, panicking and unable to breathe, reliving some terrible nightmare from their time in the sea. Some of the other men were more familiar with it, and he remembers the way they’d coax the panicking person to mimic their breathing. It always seemed to work, sooner or later. Caleb must have had a nightmare, and is going through something similar. It’s worth a shot, he can’t think of any other options in this moment. 

Fjord reaches a hand out and clasps Caleb’s thin shoulder, squeezing just enough to get the man’s attention. He crouches down a little, trying to catch the wide blue eyes darting left and right. “Hey. Caleb. Look at me, will ya?” Those wild blue eyes flick towards his own, just for a fraction of a second, but Fjord takes it. “Just breathe with me, yeah? Just breathe, Cay. In and out, okay?” He exaggerates his breathing, drawing in deep breaths and releasing them slowly, flexing his fingers on Caleb’s shoulder along with the rhythm. For a few tense seconds, Caleb doesn’t respond. Fjord nearly loses his rhythm, terrified he isn’t helping, before Caleb’s scared blue eyes catch his again. They hold for a half a second longer than the first time, and Fjord silently wills the smaller man to just _breathe_. Another beat, and then—

Caleb lets out a shuddering breath, so violently it rattles through Fjord’s fingertips like the buzz from sword on metal. In this moment, it’s the best feeling in the world. Caleb inhales raggedly, and Fjord quickly melds his rhythm to match Caleb’s, shifting his grip on Caleb’s shoulder to clasp the back of his neck firmly. 

“That’s it, Caleb, that’s it. Just breathe, alright?” He keeps his voice soft and steady, despite the racing of his own heartbeat that he bets nearly rivals Caleb’s right now. On instinct, he reaches down with his free hand and snags Caleb around the wrist, pressing the man’s palm flat against his chest. He holds his fingers against Caleb’s pulse point, feeling it racing beneath his skin. He frowns, not liking just how fast it’s going, and brushes his thumb across the back of Caleb’s neck gently in an attempt to get his attention again. “Here, ya feel that? Match your breathin’ to mine, now,” he continues, quietly, as he feels Caleb’s hand tense against his chest for a moment before going lax. Finally, after what feels like ages to Fjord, Caleb inhales again, matching Fjord’s exaggerated breath. And then he inhales, still matching. Another exhale. In. Out. In again. Out again. Fjord feels his own fear melt away as Caleb’s heart rate slows beneath his fingers, feels the tension melt from both of them as they both slowly inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale, over and over, in perfect matching rhythm. 

Finally, after what seems like hours but Fjord knows has scarcely been minutes, Caleb breaks the rhythm. He exhales well past Fjord’s next inhale, and seems to slouch down deeper against the edge of the mattress he’s sitting on. Fjord quickly regains his normal breathing pattern, watching as Caleb’s seems to even out as well, but hesitates to let his hold on his wrist go. The slow, steady pulse under his fingertips is grounding, reassuring, and he’s almost terrified it’ll start racing again if he lets go. Caleb seems to sense this, because the next moment his voice breaks the silence. 

“You can let go, Fjord,” he says softly, voice rough and dry from ragged breathing. Fjord’s heart lurches a little at the familiar way the Zemnian accent pronounces his name, belatedly realizing he’d been scared he might never hear it again. “I’m not going to suffocate, I promise,” Caleb adds wryly, eyes still downcast, but Fjord sees a tiny twitch on the corner of his lips. Fjord breathes out a laugh, shaking his head slightly. 

“Yeah, I know.” He slowly lets go of Caleb’s hand, almost reluctantly, and somehow he thinks Caleb might be a bit reluctant about it too. He makes his next decision on half a second. He stands from his crouched position, and if he hadn’t already made up his mind, he definitely would have now, watching the way Caleb almost deflates at the loss of his immediate proximity. Smiling softly, he wordlessly lowers himself down onto the mattress next to Caleb, giving the other man enough space to breathe but staying close enough to keep the grip he still has on the back of Caleb’s neck. He rubs his thumb soothingly across the back of his neck again, watching carefully as Caleb’s eyes fall shut. “This okay?” he asks quietly, giving Caleb plenty of room to shrug him off, tell him to leave him alone. But even as he’s asking the question, Caleb is shifting slightly, leaning into the touch just a bit. Fjord smiles again, and starts rubbing circles with his thumb. Caleb relaxes even more, exhaling slowly and evenly. 

“It is… more than okay. Thank you.” Caleb’s voice is still so dry it makes Fjord wish he had some water on him. There’s a water jug across the room by his own bed, but Fjord is loathe to break what seems like much-needed contact with Caleb to go get it. So he settles for just listening to Caleb as the man starts talking again. “I am sorry I woke you up,” he says quietly, and Fjord opens his mouth to protest, but Caleb beats him to it. “Just… listen, please.” His eyes are still closed and his head is hanging slightly, canted just barely to the left towards Fjord. Fjord nods, despite the fact Caleb can’t see him, but it doesn’t matter. Caleb continues anyway. “I am sorry I woke you up, but I am also… glad that I did.” Fjord raises an eyebrow in surprise. “Nott is usually the one who is here for… these little attacks of mine, and she tries her best, I know, but she’s always so scared when I get like-like this. It is nice, to have someone who I do not also have to worry about while I am like this,” Caleb continues, and Fjord thinks it’s the most words he’s ever heard the smaller man string together in one sitting. He feels a warmth seep into his chest from the admission. He knows how close Caleb and Nott are. He knows Caleb is a private, quiet man, with plenty of trauma hidden in his past that he doesn’t like to talk about. He knows that there is no one closer to Caleb than Nott, and he doesn’t think anyone ever will be. But he can appreciate what it feels like, to feel like you’re drowning, while trying to protect those closest to you from seeing you in so much pain. He tightens his grip on the back of Caleb’s neck, risking a slight shift closer to him on the mattress. If Caleb notices him get closer, he doesn’t seem to mind. He opens his eyes, inhaling deeply. “I don’t like her seeing me like this,” he whispers, and Fjord can’t help it. He slides as close as he can to Caleb, slipping his hand down from his neck to wrap it around the man’s thin shoulders. 

“Hey. Hey how, don’t. Don’t do that to yourself. Nott wants to be there for you just like you wanna be there for her. And if that means seeing you at your weak moments, then trust me, she’s all in. That little girl cares for you more than I can even know, and seeing you like this isn’t gonna change that. I understand not wanting to let her see you like this, not wanting to-to scare her, but believe me, she doesn’t mind. And I don’t mind. Like you said, I’m glad you woke me up. Caleb, Nott and I, all of us, we’re here for you. At your worst and your best, alright?” It’s dead quiet for a moment after Fjord’s impassioned speech, and then Caleb’s shoulders shudder against his arm. For one terrifying moment, Fjord thinks he overstepped. He tenses, ready to move his arm, and then Caleb sniffles. Tear filled blue eyes suddenly meet his own, and Fjord is stunned to see tear tracks already trailing down Caleb’s face. “Well shit. I’m sorry, Caleb, I didn’t– I didn’t mean to upset you, I just–” Caleb cuts him off with a harsh bark of laughter, causing both of them to quickly glance over at the third bed across the room, where Molly is softly snoring under the blankets. They both breathe identical sighs of relief when the snoring doesn’t stop, before looking back at each other and grinning. Caleb laughs softly, turning his shoulders slightly to sit sideways on the bed facing Fjord, one leg over the edge and the other bent slightly into his lap. 

“You did not upset me, Fjord. I am grateful for you, and for the rest of our crazy crew. Before I met Nott, it was just me. I didn’t know if I would make it from one day to the next. Then I met Nott, or rather she tried to steal from me, and then I didn’t know how I was going to get her from one day to the next. But I knew I couldn’t have continued without her. And then we met all of you. And I didn’t know if we were going to make it from one day to the next those first few days either, but I know now that Nott and I wouldn’t have made it this far without all of you. _I_ wouldn’t have made it this far. So thank you, for this, for everything. I do not like to… let people see me like this. But I’m realizing now that it is good. And that it _feels_ good. So thank you, Fjord.” Fjord listens in stunned silence, not daring to hardly even _breathe_ lest he shatter this window he’s being given into Caleb’s soul. It’s quiet for a moment after Caleb finishes, and Fjord realizes he’s being an ass when Caleb starts to fidget nervously. Fjord quickly grabs both of Caleb’s shoulders, looking him straight in the eye. 

“ _You’re welcome_. Gods, you’re more than welcome. You’re family now, Caleb. You, and Nott, and Molly, and Beau and Yasha and Jester. We’re all family now, and that’s what family does for each other. That’s what _friends_ do for each other,” he adds, sensing the bristle in Caleb’s body language at the mention of family. “I know some families are shit, but this kind of family? The one you make yourself, the one you _choose_? This family has your back forever and a day, Caleb. Believe that. We’d do anything for you, ya hear me?” He gives Caleb a slight shake, and Caleb laughs softly. Fjord smiles, squeezing his shoulders. “And I know you said you don’t like Nott seein’ you like this, but maybe talk to her about it? Explain what this is, help her learn how to help you through it. I can help teach her, if you want,” he adds hesitantly, and he’s rewarded by the way Caleb’s eyes light up with the idea. 

“You know, that is probably a good idea. I would love to avoid this in front of her as much as I can, but it has happened before and–“

“And if she knows what to do it won’t be so scary,” Fjord finishes, and Caleb nods, eyes bright. “Good, that’s settled. We’ll talk to her tomorrow?” Caleb nods again, and Fjord smiles. He lets his hands drop from Caleb’s shoulders, not missing the way the man slumps slightly at the loss of contact. He smirks softly to himself. _Poor fella’s touchier than he’ll probably ever admit,_ he thinks, making a mental note to feed this newfound appetite any chance he gets. He reaches out one more time, taking advantage of the surprise to pull Caleb into a tight hug. He feels more than hears the yelp that the other man emits as he’s pulled in, but beyond the barest pretense of resistance, Caleb almost immediately sags against him. Fjord feels his thin arms come up to wrap around him, and he smiles softly into Caleb’s messy hair. “Don’t be afraid to let people care about you, Caleb,” he whispers, and he feels Caleb shudder slightly. “And don’t be afraid to show that you care about people, either. There ain’t no room in this life for regrettin’ never tellin’ people you care about ‘em.” He gets no reply, at least not with words. He feels the way Caleb tightens his hold around him, feels the way he drops his head onto his shoulder. He smiles again, before slowly releasing Caleb. The other man reluctantly lets go, and again, Fjord makes a decision to show Caleb as much affection as he’s able.   
  


When Caleb finally sits back up again, Fjrod stands up and walks over to the water jug. He pours a bit into the cup sitting next to it, and walks it back over to Caleb. He wordlessly takes the drink from him, downing it in nearly one go. Fjord lifts an eyebrow as he takes the cub back, causing Caleb to grin. Fjord stands there for a moment, making sure Caleb seems okay, and when he’s satisfied he is okay as he can be in the moment, he nods. 

“Goodnight, Caleb. You need to sleep,” he says, feeling like a scolding parent, and Caleb snorts. 

“Goodnight, Fjord. Thank you,” adds softly, and Fjord doesn’t trust his own voice. So he just nods again instead, watching as Caleb climbs back into his bed under the covers. Satisfied that he’s settling back down for the night, Fjord turns and heads back to his own bed. He sets the cup down and is about to crawl back under his own covers, when suddenly he thinks of something. 

“Caleb, what was your nightmare about, if you don’t mind me asking?” He turns around, expecting an answer, only to see Caleb’s face set in a peaceful expression. The slow, steady rise and fall of the covers across his chest show Fjord Caleb is already fast asleep, and he smiles again before climbing back under his own blankets. Besides, it’s not his business. Not yet, anyway. He hopes one day Caleb will be comfortable enough to tell him. But for now, he falls asleep with the resolution to show Caleb that he’s cared for, always.   
  


> we are family, you and I, and together we will stand


End file.
